Arranged marriage might be right and here is why
Do you believe arranged marriages are just a post-truth world? Then you will be surprised to know they still take place in modern society. Yes, you will say it is against our democratic rules, nature, and human beings in general, but just assume for a moment some people may be happy in such marriages.
According to statistics, over 20 million marriages in the world are arranged nowadays. The number is surprising and what is even more astonishing that the divorce for such marriages hardly reaches 4 percent while the divorce rate of love marriages is 40-50% around the world.
Such impressive numbers prove that arranged marriages deserve to exist but what is their secret? Let us try to find it out.
What is an arranged marriage
Arranged marriages were popular all over the world until the 18th-20th century depending on the country. Such marriages were arranged mostly by parents but possibly by grandparents or other relatives. Different countries had different rules and traditions and in most cases, such marriages were called blind unions.
Both parents negotiated and decided everything for a bride and groom. Sometimes, a woman and a man saw each other for the first time only at their wedding. They had no right to refuse while everything was decided for them.
In Russia and China, such marriages were normal until the 20th century. Arranged marriages were also popular in the USA until the first part of the 20th century. However, not Americans married this way but migrant families. Later, in highly developed countries, arranged marriages were declined.
You will be surprised to know that in India, such marriages were a rule starting from the 4th century and they still are. For traditional Hindu and Muslim families, this is absolutely normal to arrange the marriages of their children even nowadays.
The purpose of the arranged marriage was to unite people from one caste, layer of the society. Royal families have practiced it for many centuries not to allow marriages with someone not belonging to their social group and damage to the interests of the royal family.
Is arranged marriage a forced marriage?
You can call it this way if you wish. However, men and women whose parents settled their life for them, have another opinion. They got married not against their will but following a tradition and the will of their families.
The traditions in such families are transmitted from generation to generation. For them, it has to be so. They do not know how it can happen differently and even do not want it. Lots of young boys and girls in different countries are scared of marriages arranged by their parents.
The worst thing is you are engaged to someone you don't even know. How to start a common life in that case? You wake up in one bed with an unknown person every morning. However, most of them never regret it and confess they have fallen in love with that person and cannot imagine being married to anyone else.
The truth is in India where 90% of marriages are arranged, the divorce rate is less than 1%. Do not think this is because they have no right or are afraid to divorce. Their parents wanted the best for their children and strived to choose a partner who would meet all their expectations and make them happy.
They are not guided by feelings or passion as many modern couples and therefore, this marriage is more considerate. They do not have any problems in the future when their passion is fading away.
Love marriage vs arranged marriage
The biggest question is whether love marriages are better than arranged unions and how do they differ at all. Here are all the features of both marriages, see and compare, and decide what is more appropriate for you.
1. Love marriage
- You choose your partner
- Too high expectations at the beginning
- High divorce rate — 40-50% around the world
- Love is often fading away
2. Arranged marriage
- Your parents choose your partner
- The expectations are very low
- Low divorce rate — 4% around the world
- People grow love throughout their life together
As you can see, an arranged marriage has its pros and cons, but people tend to divorce much more rarely than in love marriages. What is the reason? In fact, the reasons are very simple. When being in love, we do not have common sense in most cases; we are blind and believe that life will be like that forever.
In a marriage, things are not that hassle-free. People get used to each other and experience many problems they could never think of before when dating. Tons of bills, mortgages, children, the shortcomings of each other — all this becomes obvious only after marriage.
Quite often, two people who admired each other just a while ago cannot cope with all the financial difficulties and other burdens. They do not see any other reason but divorce. In arranged marriages, they do not have such problems while no one knows each other and is ready for the worst things.
The partners manage to exceed each other’s expectations and when all the fears go away, only respect stays. With much respect, people tend to grow their feelings and create real and strong love.
The pros and cons of arranged marriages
An arranged marriage doesn’t mean the one with a billionaire. You should understand that lots of marriages nowadays are arranged to some extent because most likely, people from different layers of society hardly marry each other.
Billionaires marry wealthy and prosperous people, they do not choose partners from poor families. Of course, there are exceptions but the rule is that. When a poor guy wants to marry a very rich girl, her parents won’t approve of that and she will need to listen to them or just run away and live in poverty but in love marriage.
Our life is full of paradoxes and marriages are one of them. Both love and arranged marriages have their advantages and drawbacks as well as their challenges to overcome. There is no one universal working formula for a happy marriage, so do not seek it and make your decisions.
The advantages of an arranged marriage
- low divorce rate — 4% around the world and 1% in India where 90% of marriages are arranged by their families;
- a lower level of disappointment with your partner due to low expectations when getting married;
- your parents and families are surely happy and approve of your marriage;
- possibility to grow true feelings with years;
- the “verification” of your partner — you are well-aware of your spouse’s origin, family, social status, and are sure to be protected and secured in that marriage.
The arranged marriages disadvantages
- you marry almost an unknown person;
- it takes time to develop feelings towards your partner;
- you may never fall in love with your spouse.
How to handle your marriage if your parents arrange it for you
If it happens somehow that your parents arrange your marriage against your will, do not be desperate and don’t hurry to run away from your partner and family. It all may be not as scary as it seems. You just need to learn how to cope with your stress, expectations, and fears.
Here are some tips and recommendations for you to follow and make your marriage work:
- Discuss a lot. If you do not know each other well enough, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk. You can discuss your roles in marriage, your attitude towards children, etc. You do not necessarily have to play traditional roles in your family. Your wife may not be a great good but you can.
- Find common interests. It is crucial to look for common interests, you both may adore reading, skiing, cinema, and many other things. Just find them. A big no-no will be trying to change the interests and hobbies of your partner. Do not impose watching historical movies if your partner hates them. Instead, do what you enjoy and ask your partner about his//her likes. Keep searching, talking, and you will definitely find common grounds.
- Have dates. You could have no chance to date and get to know each other before. Now as you start a new life, have no children, and no other problems to solve, you can take your time and go on dates finally. Learn more about each other this way and develop feelings toward each other.
- Spend time alone, just two of you and no one else. It is crucial to have intimate moments, find out about each other’s likes and dislikes, desires and expectations. Spend quality time together as much as possible and you will see how your mutual love grows.
Arranged marriages are not the end of the world
It is only up to you what marriage to choose — follow your feelings or your parents’ will. Just remember that your family may not wish you anything bad, and if you close your eyes on them arranging your life for you, you might get a wonderful life in return.
No matter what your attitude towards arranged marriages is — facts do not lie. Such marriages are proven to be stronger for some reason and it means they deserve being even in modern society.