Can a Marriage Survive Without Sex: Main Points
Between 15 and 20 percent of married couples in the United States are living in a sexless marriage right now. That figure comes from the Gottman Institute and multiple peer-reviewed sources. Can a marriage survive without sex? The honest answer is: it depends. Research does not deliver a simple yes or no-what it offers is a set of specific, knowable conditions under which a marriage without sex can hold together.
What counts as a sexless marriage
A few weeks without sex after an illness or a brutal work deadline does not qualify as a clinical problem. Researchers define a sexless marriage as one where partners have sex fewer than 10 times per year. Sex therapists draw a further distinction between low-sex marriages-infrequent but present-and fully sexless ones. If you have been having sex less than once a month for a year or more, the clinical definition applies. That is worth knowing as a starting point, not a verdict.
How common is a sexless marriage in the United States
A study of 26,000 Americans found couples reported having sex roughly 54 times per year on average. A 2022 report found that 33.1 percent of married baby boomers lived in sexless marriages, compared to just 2.3 percent of married Gen Zers. The Gottman Institute estimates about 20 percent of long-term couples qualify as sexless. Lower frequency does not automatically signal dysfunction; context matters as much as numbers.
Sexual activity declines with age, but frequency alone does not determine marital health.
Why couples stop having sex: the main causes
Sexlessness rarely happens overnight. It builds gradually, driven by overlapping causes. In a study of 82 couples together for more than two years, nearly 40 percent of both men and women named mismatched desire as the primary factor. The main causes, ranked by frequency in research:
- Aging and health decline - reduced energy, hormonal shifts, and physical limitations
- Medical conditions and medications - diabetes, heart disease, and antidepressants
- Young children and caregiving demands - exhaustion during intensive parenting years
- Mismatched sexual desire - one partner wanting sex significantly more than the other
- Psychological factors - depression, anxiety, and unresolved trauma
- Relationship conflict - accumulated grievances that block physical closeness
Medical conditions that reduce sexual desire
Medical causes are frequently overlooked because they feel less fixable than relationship problems-but they are often more treatable. Conditions including diabetes, heart disease, and chronic pain directly impair sexual function. Antidepressants and blood pressure medications reduce sex drive as a documented side effect.
Around age 50, women face hormonal shifts that lower desire, while men increasingly encounter erectile dysfunction. Identifying a medical cause matters because it opens treatment pathways-hormonal therapy, medication adjustment, or specialist consultation-that relationship-focused interventions alone cannot address.
Psychological and relationship factors
Stress, depression, and unresolved conflict do not stay out of the bedroom. Clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., has stated that when couples stop discussing their emotional and sexual needs, desire follows.
The partner who wants sex more often begins to feel rejected; the one who wants it less carries guilt. Both withdraw. A study of 105 couples found that the emotional climate of the relationship-not raw frequency-was the stronger predictor of marital satisfaction.
What research actually says about sexless marriage and happiness
Swedish behavioral economists surveyed 16,000 American adults and found that increasing sexual frequency from once a month to once a week produced a happiness boost equivalent to an extra $50,000 in annual household income. But a separate study of 105 couples found no direct connection between how often couples had sex and how satisfied they were overall.
"The family climate and each partner's subjective sense of having a satisfying sex life were stronger predictors of happiness than the frequency of sex itself."
Frequency predicts happiness at a population level; subjective satisfaction predicts it at the individual level. What couples make of their sexual relationship matters more than the number of encounters.
Can emotional intimacy replace physical intimacy
Dr. John Gottman identifies lack of emotional intimacy as one of the strongest predictors of divorce-placing it above sexual frequency in his research. A 2022 study from Michigan State University, published in Frontiers in Psychology, found that the same factors predicting success in sexual relationships-satisfaction, investment, and lack of attractive alternatives-also predicted success in relationships without sex.
William Chopik, associate professor at MSU, stated: "We found that the same ingredients predict success in these relationships." Licensed therapist Kalley Hartman adds that non-sexual physical connection-cuddling, holding hands-can meaningfully sustain intimacy when intercourse is absent.
Asexual relationships and marriage without sex
Asexuality-experiencing little or no sexual attraction-affects an estimated one percent of the population. The 2022 MSU study in Frontiers in Psychology showed that relationship success in asexual couples depends on the same variables as in any other couple.
A 2024 honors thesis found minimal difference between asexual and allosexual relationship goals. The central variable is mutual understanding and acceptance. Couples who share a clear, agreed-upon framework for their physical relationship report higher satisfaction regardless of where that framework places sex.
The difference between low sex and no sex
The clinical threshold of fewer than 10 sexual encounters per year covers a wide range of realities. A couple having sex six times a year experiences something quite different from a couple with no sexual contact for two years. Understanding which category applies helps determine what kind of help to seek.
Category alone does not determine outcomes-mutual acceptance and emotional connection remain the decisive variables.
Does a sexless marriage increase divorce risk
Couples in sexless marriages consider divorce more frequently than those with active sex lives-research is consistent on this point. Lack of sex is also a significant driver of infidelity, which further elevates marital breakdown risk. A 2015 American Sociological Association study found that women initiate approximately 70 percent of divorces, with unmet intimacy needs frequently cited among their reasons.
But correlation is not causation. Many couples in sexless marriages report genuine happiness when emotional intimacy is strong and both partners have reached a mutual understanding. The risk is highest when one partner is silently accepting what the other has stopped offering.
Age and sexual frequency: what changes over time
Sexual frequency naturally declines with both age and marriage length. Researcher Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., notes that passionate desire fades around two years into a relationship as novelty gives way to routine. In the first six months after a wedding, 83 percent of couples report satisfaction with their sex life; that figure drops to 55 percent for women and 43 percent for men over time.
After 50, hormonal changes accelerate this trend. Only 57 percent of couples aged 65 to 69 remain sexually active, compared to 83 percent at ages 50 to 54. Understanding these shifts as biological transitions rather than personal failures reduces the shame that often accompanies them.
When a sexless marriage signals a deeper problem
Not all sexless marriages carry the same weight. A temporary dry spell after childbirth or illness is situational-it has a context and typically an end. Chronic sexlessness tied to unresolved resentment is different. Three questions help assess which applies: Is this temporary or an established pattern? Do both partners feel acceptable about it, or is one silently suffering? Is there any active effort to address it? Where all answers are unfavorable, the absence of sex is likely a symptom of something deeper.
How to talk to your partner about sex in marriage
Research identifies communication as the strongest predictor of whether a sexless marriage can recover. Starting that conversation is often the hardest part. The goal is not to assign blame but to open a channel:
- Choose a calm, neutral moment - not during a disagreement, and not in bed
- Name your feelings, not accusations - "I've been feeling disconnected" lands differently than "You never want me"
- Use specific observations - reference actual patterns rather than generalizations
- Express what you want - focus on what would feel good, not what is missing
- Agree on a follow-up - one conversation is rarely enough; commit to returning to the topic
Couples therapy for sexless marriages: does it work
Current research shows that couples therapy produces meaningful improvements in relationship satisfaction for most couples within 8 to 12 sessions-provided both partners engage actively. Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT-developed by Dr. Sue Johnson and built around adult attachment science-has shown in peer-reviewed studies to improve emotional, psychological, sexual, and physical intimacy simultaneously.
"Couples who seek professional help within the first two years of intimacy problems show significantly higher recovery rates than those who wait longer." - Dr. Michael Stokes, sex therapist, Between Us Clinic
Treating therapy as a practical early-stage tool-rather than a last resort-improves the odds of recovery considerably.
Sex therapy as a separate option
Sex therapy is a distinct specialization from general couples therapy. Where couples therapy addresses the overall relationship, sex therapy focuses specifically on the physical, psychological, and relational dimensions of sexual function.
A comprehensive review of studies from 2010 to 2020 found sex therapy effective across a range of sexual dysfunctions. A 2016 study in Sexual and Relationship Therapy found that completing sex therapy produced gains in both sexual satisfaction and emotional closeness.
When only one partner attends therapy
One partner refusing therapy does not close the door entirely. Individual therapy helps the attending partner clarify their needs, communicate more effectively, and make clearer decisions about the relationship's future. It does not fix a shared problem alone, but it reduces the psychological toll and often creates shifts in the dynamic that a resistant partner notices over time.
Medical treatments and alternative forms of intimacy
When a medical condition is driving sexlessness, the first step is a conversation with a physician. Treatment options vary by cause: hormonal therapy can address declining sex drive in both men and women; medication review may identify drugs suppressing desire as a side effect; and erectile dysfunction has well-established treatment pathways.
For couples where physical limitations make intercourse difficult, alternative forms of physical intimacy can sustain connection. Research recognizes these as genuine forms of closeness-not consolation options.
Sexless marriage statistics at a glance
The figures below draw from peer-reviewed research and named institutional sources.
What couples in sexless marriages actually report
A study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family recruited 77 people in long-term relationships without consistent sex for at least six months. Nearly all reported frustration, depression, rejection, and eroded self-esteem-findings that represent involuntary sexlessness, where one partner wants sex and the other does not.
The 105-couple study tells a different story. When both partners had reached an understanding and emotional connection remained strong, reported satisfaction was not significantly lower than in sexually active marriages. Asymmetry-one partner's unmet desire left unaddressed-is what research consistently identifies as the breaking point.
Can a sexless marriage be happy: the conditional answer
The answer research supports is conditional, not binary. A sexless marriage can be happy when both partners have genuinely accepted the arrangement, emotional intimacy remains strong, the underlying cause is understood, and professional support is available if distress arises.
The conditions under which it is unlikely to hold are equally clear: one partner is silently dissatisfied, resentment has accumulated without outlet, and neither partner is making any effort to change things. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Kalley Hartman notes that couples can sustain loving relationships without sex-but only when communication and mutual understanding are genuinely in place, not assumed.
Making a decision: stay, work on it, or leave
There are three honest paths forward for couples in a sexless marriage. The first is to actively address the issue-through therapy, medical evaluation, or better communication. The second is to reach a genuine mutual agreement to accept the current state, with both partners fully on board.
The third is to recognize a fundamental incompatibility and consider separation. Sex therapist Dr. Michael Stokes of Between Us Clinic has noted: "There is not one particular point in time that warrants you to leave." That decision belongs entirely to the people inside the marriage.
When to seek professional help
If one or both partners are experiencing persistent distress, if direct conversations have broken down, or if resentment is quietly compounding-the situation has moved past what self-help alone can address. Seeking a therapist is not an admission that the marriage is failing. Couples who seek help within the first two years of intimacy difficulties recover at significantly higher rates than those who wait. If what you have read here feels relevant, that alone is reason enough to take the next step.
Frequently asked questions about sexless marriages
Is a sexless marriage grounds for divorce in the United States?
In most US states, sexlessness alone does not qualify as a legal ground for divorce. However, in states like North Dakota, persistent refusal to have sex-absent health reasons-can be classified as desertion under fault-based divorce law. No-fault divorce remains available nationwide regardless of intimacy status.
Can a sexless marriage survive long-term without any intervention?
It can, but only when both partners genuinely accept the arrangement and maintain strong emotional connection. When one partner is dissatisfied and nothing changes, research consistently shows resentment accumulates over time, making recovery progressively harder and divorce risk higher.
How do I know if my marriage is sexless or just going through a low phase?
The clinical threshold is fewer than 10 sexual encounters per year. A dry spell of weeks does not qualify. If the pattern has persisted across most of the past year with no clear temporary cause-illness, newborn, extended travel-the sexless definition likely applies.
Does having sex less often always mean there is a problem in the marriage?
No. Research from the 105-couple study found that subjective satisfaction-not raw frequency-predicts marital happiness. Couples who have less sex but feel positively about their relationship overall report similar satisfaction to more sexually active couples. Frequency is one signal, not a verdict.
What is the first step to take if I want to address a sexless marriage?
Start with a calm, private conversation with your partner-not during conflict. Name what you are experiencing without blame. If direct conversation has already failed repeatedly, contacting a licensed couples therapist or sex therapist is the most evidence-supported next move. Early intervention produces the best outcomes.
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